To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
