Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize