I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
