11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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