summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just want nice things and good sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
