Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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