did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...