Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy