So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.