I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How's work?
Spinning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
