Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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