You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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