so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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