I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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