I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
