Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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