Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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