Moan for me like Helen Keller
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
