It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
