I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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