I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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