OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
