I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
