i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
