your room smells of hookers.
And success
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
