Whod you bang
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
