i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
