I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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