P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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