my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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