How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
