I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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