fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
