I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
