i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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