And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you didnt know i had herpes?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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