Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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