wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
