So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
