I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
