Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
