You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
