I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
