I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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