You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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