Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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