Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
