So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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