24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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