this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
