didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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