You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
