Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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