he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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