and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
