Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
