I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
