i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
