someone threw a dead crab at me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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