***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
