That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
