I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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