there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
