Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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