maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
