We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
