someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
