I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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