1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
the raccoons are back...
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