That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is Oprah even human
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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