my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
True strength comes from lack of pants
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
