My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
