saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
