p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
