I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
