hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
