I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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