How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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