dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
FUCK WHALES
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
