Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
