I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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