something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize