can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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