ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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