At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
