When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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