you traded sex for a burrito?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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