Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
